Royal wedding fever...

My friends came over yesterday to watch the royal wedding on TV. They brought goodies too- pizza, cupcakes, cheetos and even tiaras to set the mood... after all, it’s every girl’s dream to be a princess and have an elaborate royal wedding. Kate looked stunning, and her dress was simple yet so intricately designed. The first thought on my mind was wow those Brits are unadventurous; Kate’s dress was conservative to say the least. The only thing that caught my attention was the beautiful lace around the sleeves and on the back… but anyway, I don’t mean to hate, the dress was nice. Not royal enough for my taste but nice...

At first I thought this is how I want my wedding to be- exactly like that. But then I started thinking, Kate and her hubbie looked so nervous, and they had every right to be… they were aware of the fact that the whole world is watching their every move, must have been hectic for them... I don’t want that for sure.
And also, being a princess requires a lot of fakeness. These poor girls have to pose 98% of the time, it can’t be fun. As majestic as I used to think being a princess would be, I now can’t be bothered to dream about being one.

I don’t wanna sound lame, but I really enjoyed watching the royal wedding with my friends. I sat through most of it, up until the couple appeared from the balcony and had their first (and second) royal kiss.
I have to say the Queen ruined it for all of us when she abruptly decided to step inside and put an end to this royal wedding, like two minutes after the anxiously anticipated royal couple appeared on the balcony. Perhaps it was her nap time or lunch or something.

I particularly enjoyed watching what the royals and attendees thought passed for “fashion”. My favorite was some chick in a reindeer hat, she looked absolutely ridic. Yet I enjoyed watching it.

I leave you with this photo of a very reluctant bridesmaid.

Pain, anger and belief

It’s amazing how much a person can grow in such a short period of time. I for one give myself credit for growing so much in just a few months. I guess it all comes down to the circumstances that sometimes force you to grow and overcome them by any means.

To be honest I never thought the day would come when I would have to face the hardships that I did in the past few months. In a matter of seconds, good became bad, friend became enemy and the word time was synonymous with pain.

Every waking minute was pain… everything I did reminded me of pain. Everyone I encountered caused me pain. I never knew I was the melancholic type; at least not to the extent of shutting myself out from everything and everyone and becoming completely isolated. I hated the drama.

They say time heals all, and in my case this was partially true. Time heals because it makes you forget, but no power in the world can make you completely forget. So the fraction of memories I had left, painful as they were and still are, are engrossed in my mind and in my heart forever.

Everyone undergoes psychological pain – I consider it healthy to an extent. But at some point it does more damage than can be retrieved.

My pain became anger, I couldn’t contain it. No matter what the distractions, I always felt it. It consumed me for so long, I was so overwhelmed with it. I’m still angry, but mostly at myself. I thought I was angry at life, but I dismissed that thought a long time ago – life is what the Creator plans for each one of us.

Am I angry at the people who disappointed me and got me to where I am anymore? Not anymore, I’m way past that phase now.

I thank Allah for the gift of ‘belief’. I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe in fate. I believe in doing everything I can and leaving the rest to Allah. I believe in love, in friendship and in forgiveness. If Allah forgives all, then humans should be able to forgive others.

I will always believe.

Tweet

Hypocrisy

We’re all flawed – fact of life.

But then there’s those who preach against hypocrisy, and claim they are flawless,

Demonstrating to the world the extent of their perfection,

Pointing fingers at sinners, judging them in every way,

Veils on their heads, seeking people’s approval,

Politeness marking their voices, in pursuit of acceptance,

First ones at your door when you're in your time of need,

Helpful when you need them but you can't help but notice,

Whenever they are around, the conversations are about them,

Fishing for your compliments, like a child begging for candy,

But despite all your words, all your efforts to instill a sense of self-worth,

Your words aren't enough, they are just stripped from confidence,

Their biggest fear is being stigmatized,

So they force themselves to fit in, become the darlings of society,

Indulge in judging people, and set standards for conformity,

But secretly they are the opposite of this very conformity,

Such darkness in their hearts, nothing like you’ve seen before,

Waiting for a chance, when all the rules can be broken,

Becoming the very person they once ruthlessly arbitrated,

Without a care in the world, about what’s right or what’s wrong,

In fact come tomorrow, they would do it all over again,

And then gossip and chitchat, and pass callous judgments,

Not oblivious to their own flaws, they are fully aware,

Despite that very fact, the hypocrisy continues…

It’s a cycle, a vicious cycle of pretentiousness and posing,

To the world, they are flawless, not an error in sight,

Veiled hair, polite speech and the preaching never ceases,

What a cycle, so pretentious, so fake, so deceitful!

And the sad part is no one sees it, it’s such a programmed affectation,

And the cycle never ends, as it just picks up again,

Lying once again, with failed attempts of conformity,

Blaming their hypocrisy on the mandates of society,

Reasoning their insincerity with known customs and traditions,

Claiming their duplicity is a cultural dictation,

But I ask- Are your hearts so weak?

Allowing you to submit to your own cultural conspiracy theories?

Feeble enough to consent to take on such a dark path?

And walk along that gloomy road pretending it's so vivid?

If so, then I guess I'll prepare myself for your show,

I'll see a veiled head, a polite smile and a fakeness of respect,

But I'll know for sure soon as I turn my back, I'll be the victim of your judgment.

Tweet

Random thought

You're either a) a serious drama queen or b) one hell of a prankster; I genuinely hope it's the latter.

Breaking the silence...

Day after day and week after week, I watched in silence as you lashed out all your anger on me, pouring your feelings of hatred my way, bombarding me with sentiments of revulsion and disgust…

I watched in silence as you portrayed to the world how much I betrayed you, depicting to everyone how untrustworthy, backstabbing and conniving I am, adding your own flavor to stir the sequence of events a little…

I watched in silence as you supplicated to Allah against me, wished me death, desiring for me to break and hoping for my misery…

Day after day, I watched in silence… Convincing myself that it’s only a phase, in a few weeks it’ll pass, perhaps in a few months… but I kept the glimmer of hope in my heart, igniting it every day, despite your destructive attempts…

Day after day, I prayed to Allah to light both of our paths… and to give us the strength to overcome our ordeal… Knowing in my heart that you’re a river of forgiveness, an ocean of compassion, and will heal in just some time…

I prayed for our hearts to mend, for yours I prayed even more, knowing what I had done had hurt you so deeply.

When I thought the timing was right, I spilled out my feelings to you, trusting you will listen, trusting you will give me a sip from that river of forgiveness that I thought was your heart…

There I stood, facing you, admitting my mistake and certain you will listen, and actually really listen… but my words were in vain…

“I’m sorry I hurt you, it wasn’t my intention, people make mistakes, it wasn’t my intention.”

I can’t remember how many times I uttered these words to you, reserving that glimmer of hope in my heart, despite your continuous attempts to overshadow it, I still kept the hope…

I uttered and I uttered, I spoke and I spoke… but my speech was ever so useless, you are not the person I have known all of these years.

Word after word, I watched you dismiss me, dismiss my every thought, my every regret…

Apology after apology, you stood there with a heart even tougher than stone, rejecting every word that came out of my mouth…

Standing there in front of you, pouring my endless feelings for you… You stand there in front of me, and you are somebody else…

Who are you?

Certainly not someone I know or recognize, hardly any person I would refer to once as a friend… A best friend?

What did he do to you?

Did he drink from your river of forgiveness until he ran it dry?

Him or me?

You chose him over me, do you realize what you've done?

Does he even love you?

You say that he does, yet people in love don’t strip their lovers from happiness… they don’t take away their loved ones, their families, their friends…

Will you ever wake up?

I pray that you do, I know he had a hand in changing the you I used to know, and turning you into a new you that I don’t even recognize….

Tweet

Back in Khartoum

I love my new job, working from home is awesome.
I'm back in Sudan down, just focusing on my work and also spending a lot of time with my family and friends. I really enjoyed my time in Cairo despite the curfew, it was a breath of fresh air for me, particularly in light of everything that I have been through lately.
I realized I lost my passion for writing about politics, which was the reason I stopped blogging for a long time. Then I started thinking, I don't really have to blog about politics in particular, I can blog about my everyday life- something I was a bit conservative about in the past. I am now more open to share my experiences with my readers, especially since I have so much to write about now.
And for all you politics-lovers out there, I will make sure to comment on major or particularly interesting political events around the world.
It's refreshing to write again, I am glad I am finding more free time to do so with my new job.
Stay tuned, I have a lot to write about, I am absolutely inspired :-)

Mimz

Hello World!

I have missed blogosphere, oh so much!

Even though Facebook stole me away from blogging, and consumes every free moment I have in my day, I still don't see what the hype is all about. I tried to deactivated OH so many times, but I always keep coming back. I guess I can't turn my back on the many activities posted over there as well as news and stuff.

I have been in Cairo for a week now (yes I heard it all: what are you thinking, it's not safe over there, stay away from Tahrir, you're risking your life, you'll get killed, gangs in the streets)... etc. but I say screw you all, Cairo is great and I am having a great time.

I left all my worries and troubles in Khartoum, and it pains me to think I will have to go back to them in a week's time.

I miss you all.