It’s amazing how much a person can grow in such a short period of time. I for one give myself credit for growing so much in just a few months. I guess it all comes down to the circumstances that sometimes force you to grow and overcome them by any means.
To be honest I never thought the day would come when I would have to face the hardships that I did in the past few months. In a matter of seconds, good became bad, friend became enemy and the word time was synonymous with pain.
Every waking minute was pain… everything I did reminded me of pain. Everyone I encountered caused me pain. I never knew I was the melancholic type; at least not to the extent of shutting myself out from everything and everyone and becoming completely isolated. I hated the drama.
They say time heals all, and in my case this was partially true. Time heals because it makes you forget, but no power in the world can make you completely forget. So the fraction of memories I had left, painful as they were and still are, are engrossed in my mind and in my heart forever.
Everyone undergoes psychological pain – I consider it healthy to an extent. But at some point it does more damage than can be retrieved.
My pain became anger, I couldn’t contain it. No matter what the distractions, I always felt it. It consumed me for so long, I was so overwhelmed with it. I’m still angry, but mostly at myself. I thought I was angry at life, but I dismissed that thought a long time ago – life is what the Creator plans for each one of us.
Am I angry at the people who disappointed me and got me to where I am anymore? Not anymore, I’m way past that phase now.
I thank Allah for the gift of ‘belief’. I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe in fate. I believe in doing everything I can and leaving the rest to Allah. I believe in love, in friendship and in forgiveness. If Allah forgives all, then humans should be able to forgive others.
I will always believe.
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