Tired of your dictator? Jealous of other countries dumping theirs and creating a new relationship with democracy?
In the wake of the new year and Sudan's independence day, I found it fitting to write a post explaining the 10 basic steps that are crucial for losing your dictator.
Now remember, getting rid of your dictator is no easy task, particularly if you have been in a relationship for over 22 years. He will act clingy, throw fits and bargain with you, but you mustn't back out under any circumstances. Make sure you follow the following steps thoroughly to guarantee the best results.
1- "I have seen better dance moves" is a good way to get the argument going. If there is one thing your dictator is confident of, it's his dance moves. Question that and you got yourself one shaken and flustered dictator.
2- Often bring up the fact that he is wanted by an international criminal court and argue along the lines of how you'd be better off with someone without a criminal record.
3- During a heated argument, threaten to side with any of the opposition parties.
4- Make regular hurtful comments about how unmoved and unimpressed you are by his most recent improvised speech and claim that it featured staged enthusiastic cheers and applause.
5- Often suggest that the ja3al tribe is inferior to any other tribe of your choosing.
6- Question the judgment of his cabinet and demand he replaces it with a new, more experienced one.
7- Use the term 'al7as koo3ak' (lick your elbow) very loosely and every time your dictator thinks he said something smart like 'ma dayreen jaghmasat adyan'.
8- Recognize Nubians, Darfurians and other marginalized people as real Sudanese people and not 21st century slaves.
9- Send 10,000 sheep to Obama and ask the US government to turn a new leaf and lift the sanctions imposed on your country.
10- Issue visas for Obama, Ocampo, the former Kenyan ambassador and all previously expelled NGOs to Sudan and insist they crash at your dictator's presidential palace.
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In the wake of the new year and Sudan's independence day, I found it fitting to write a post explaining the 10 basic steps that are crucial for losing your dictator.
Now remember, getting rid of your dictator is no easy task, particularly if you have been in a relationship for over 22 years. He will act clingy, throw fits and bargain with you, but you mustn't back out under any circumstances. Make sure you follow the following steps thoroughly to guarantee the best results.
1- "I have seen better dance moves" is a good way to get the argument going. If there is one thing your dictator is confident of, it's his dance moves. Question that and you got yourself one shaken and flustered dictator.
2- Often bring up the fact that he is wanted by an international criminal court and argue along the lines of how you'd be better off with someone without a criminal record.
3- During a heated argument, threaten to side with any of the opposition parties.
4- Make regular hurtful comments about how unmoved and unimpressed you are by his most recent improvised speech and claim that it featured staged enthusiastic cheers and applause.
5- Often suggest that the ja3al tribe is inferior to any other tribe of your choosing.
6- Question the judgment of his cabinet and demand he replaces it with a new, more experienced one.
7- Use the term 'al7as koo3ak' (lick your elbow) very loosely and every time your dictator thinks he said something smart like 'ma dayreen jaghmasat adyan'.
8- Recognize Nubians, Darfurians and other marginalized people as real Sudanese people and not 21st century slaves.
9- Send 10,000 sheep to Obama and ask the US government to turn a new leaf and lift the sanctions imposed on your country.
10- Issue visas for Obama, Ocampo, the former Kenyan ambassador and all previously expelled NGOs to Sudan and insist they crash at your dictator's presidential palace.
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This is great! Reminds me of a another really funny sudanese blogger that i've read - http://bit.ly/AiZq6L
ReplyDeletelove it - keep it up :)
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